


be calm

by arashiyama (harukatenoh)



Category: World Trigger
Genre: Gen, the arashiyama jun specific brand of world weariness and bravery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 15:25:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16221917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/arashiyama
Summary: It was awfully touching, tenderly moving, to remember.





	be calm

Jun pushed the door to his apartment open.

It felt heavier than usual today, but everything felt heavier than usual today. He paid this weight no mind, still setting his shoes aside carefully, stowing away his bag and hanging up his coat.

When he looked up, he noticed Yuuichi sitting on the couch.

“You’re abusing the spare key rights,” Jun said with a smile. It sat weirdly on his face, displaced by leagues of emotional disconnect and fatigue.

Yuuichi noticed—of course he did—but all he did was smile as well and motion to the space next to him.

“You never specified visiting hours,” he replied, gaze soft as Jun walked over. It made Jun feel… fragile, the way Yuuichi was looking at him. Fragile and tender, like a scar only just healed over.

He sat on the couch. Hesitated a moment. Met Yuuichi’s eyes and—he sunk into Yuuichi’s side, an ungainly exhale escaping him as he did. He was already pushing it, hands desperate in their grasp on Yuuichi’s jacket as he crammed his face into the crook of Yuuichi’s neck, but Yuuichi didn’t protest.

Jun hated that he didn’t. He didn’t know whether he deserved this.

With more willpower than he thought he had, he pulled back slightly, until his forehead was pressed against Yuuichi’s shoulder and his hands were loose and clutching at air.

Yuuichi sighed. Jun less heard it than he felt it. He had stopped _feeling_ things, lately. Usually, he just felt heavy. It had been a heavy day. He phrased it like this in his head, _a heavy day_ , to avoid thinking about how all his days were heavy of late.

“Hey, stop thinking,” Yuuichi mumbled. He had an arm around Jun now, tracing shapes onto Jun’s back aimlessly. Jun didn’t— he tried not to lean into Yuuichi too much, but he felt trembly all over and Yuuichi was the only steady thing for miles around him. It was always, always Yuuichi, the steadiest force in his life.

“Coming from you,” Jun whispered back.

Yuuichi laughed at that, just barely, but the sound sent vibrations all the way to Jun’s core.

“I’m working on it,” Yuuichi replied. “You should too,”

Jun wanted to argue. The gaping hollow inside of him meant that all of his thoughts echoed around, multiplying and swelling and he couldn’t just _stop_ that, but the way Yuuichi was still skating his fingertips over the small of Jun’s back, the way his every touch was delicate and caring, the way he waited for Jun to lean in instead of pushing forward—all of it quietened the noise inside of Jun. His breathing was coming slower and he was melting into Yuuichi a little more with every minute. Eventually, he gave in, committing the unfamiliar act of surrendering to what his heart wanted.

They settled into silence. Yuuichi was warm and steady and familiar, and Jun was overwhelmed with the urge to cry. It felt… it felt good, to lean on somebody for once. To know that there would always be hands to hold him up, no matter how heavy he felt.

Yuuichi was more than Jun deserved, really.

“You’re still thinking,” Yuuichi said.

“I’m always thinking,” Jun replied. He didn’t have the energy to sound reproachful, but from the way Yuuichi snorted, he got the message anyway.

Jun never felt so understood as he did around Yuuichi. It was terrifying and it was comforting, sitting in that endlessly thrilling and soothing in-between that Yuuichi always did in Jun’s mind.

Yuuichi sighed again. “When I first—” and then he paused, weighing up his words carefully. It was strange, seeing Yuuichi hesitate over what he was saying. It made something unfurl in Jun’s chest, not entirely unpleasant but awfully unwieldy, the thought of Yuuichi being so careful with him. People often weren’t—Jun tried his best to be careful with himself, but everything else from everyone else, he simply had to bear.

Yuuichi mumbled, “Do you remember when we first met?”

Sincerely, truly, Jun replied “How could I ever forget,”

Yuuichi’s hands shook the slightest bit.

“Same,” he said. “I remember being— I thought you were— you were something else,”

Jun laughed, and it shocked him terribly to hear that the sound was a little damp, tears impending that he hadn’t even realized. Yuuichi brushed his fingers against Jun’s.

“So were you. You told me to call you _senpai_ , jackass—” and then they were both laughing, nostalgia bled into their very breaths.

One of Yuuichi’s hands, the one at Jun’s back, was still moving. Every touch seemed to make Jun relax more, steal away all of his tension. The other one was placed just against Jun’s hand; neither of them felt the need to move.

Yuuichi said “You don’t get it,” endlessly fond. “I remember being that age and you were… you were far more amazing than a fifteen-year-old had any right to be. I remember I kept thinking, there’s no way this guy is really like this. But you were,”

Jun did remember. He remembered being fifteen and bright-eyed. His view was a little blurry, a little worn by time and memory, but he remembered those years with a soft, honey passion. He had been all passion, back then. A teen quick to smile and unafraid to feel, full to the brim with life in a way that escaped him now.

It was awfully touching, tenderly moving, to remember. He wondered where all that fullness went, how he let it all drain away, and why he couldn’t get it back. He saw the echoes, the foundation of that child now in himself: selfless and caring and braver than anything, but so much had been carved out of him since.

“I was better back then, I think,” he murmured.

Yuuichi shook his head, eyes closed and mouth curved into a smile. “I don’t think so. You still have everything that made you so good back then,”

“It feels like have less,” Jun confessed.

Yuuichi pulled back enough to make proper eye contact with Jun.

“You give so much away,” Yuuichi said, a little mournfully. “Keep some for yourself. It’s okay to rely on other people every once in a while,”

“Again, coming from you,” Jun mumbled, holding back the urge to cry. Yuuichi always knew what to say. He effortlessly patched up every gap, filled in every hollow, putting Jun back together every time he was about to shatter. It felt—it felt nice, good, to be so understood.

Yuuichi laughed. Jun less heard it than he felt it. With a shaky exhale, he tried to stop thinking and start feeling—the way Yuuichi’s chest rose and fall, the lines and shapes Yuuichi drew onto his back, the gentle points and angles to his body.

The rhythm eventually lulled him into peace.

“Stopped thinking,” he mumbled.

“Good,” Yuuichi replied, sounding equally as tired. Sleepy, maybe, was a better word for it.

“‘M gonna fall asleep,”

“Sleep tight, princess. I’ll wake you up with a kiss if your kingdom needs you,”

**Author's Note:**

> been having a hard time lately so... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> if you liked this fic, please consider donating to my ko-fi! it's linked in [my carrd](http://arashiyama.carrd.co) \- thank you so much if you do!


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